In Christ Alone

Growing up I lacked Identity. As a young child, trying to figure out who I was, I was constantly left wondering where I belonged. I knew even back then that I didn’t fit in.

I looked different than everyone else, my nose was shaped differently, my eyes were a different color, and I couldn’t understand why I felt this way. I spent my teenage years following my friends & the new trends. Then as my early adulthood started I began to experiment with my looks, trying to figure out what I liked best. I would change my hair color, cut my hair shorter, get piercings & tattoos. It almost became an addiction to change myself, and I would always be thinking of ways I could look different.

It’s sad now that I think about it, because I only associated identity with the way I looked. Maybe it had to do with years of abandonment throughout my childhood & into my adulthood. I never felt good enough for anyone, and if I changed my appearance then maybe people would love me & give me the attention I dreamed of. Addiction took its ugly form in many ways in my life including with substance abuse & that created a demon I had a hard time letting go of. This addiction led me to do things & hurt those around me in ways I wouldn’t even recognize now.

As of last month I reached 8 years of sobriety from drugs & that growth that I developed can only be credited to God. I chose to follow him in a way I never did before & because I’ve allowed him to work in me & help me understand my purpose, my true identity now lies in him alone. What a precious gift my creator has given me. I no longer feel the need to change my appearance or change who I am in hopes of love from others. I’ve learned to love myself simply for the way God loves me & because of that I’ve embraced the woman God created me to be!