Breaking Curses

The biggest desire that I carry in my heart is for the salvation of my children.

I can honestly say, that I have not been a perfect mother. In fact, I have screwed up more times than I can count. Not in a I forgot to pack their lunches, or didn’t show up to an event supporting them, its far worse than that.

I screwed up by not being their safe place in times or trouble or pain they have experienced. I did that causing trauma to them, because I myself carry my own trauma. I’m not making an excuse, but simply saying that generations of trauma have defiled my family and it trickled its ugly head into my own family.

I will be the one breaking the initial curse, but it will be up to my children to ensure it stays broken. I sometimes feel broken myself inside wishing I would have started earlier in the years, but everything happens in Gods timing. So what do I do now that all my children are nearly adults? I pray! I pray hard and with everything in me as I cry out to God for their salvation.

They all have troubled experiences, most caused by me, but over the last 8 years of my sobriety from my years of drug use, I have tried so hard to help them. No, it hasn’t been perfect, but I can say I did more for them than the generations before me.

I’m not only thinking of my children, but I’m also thinking of my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I will sacrifice my self for my future bloodline because no one ever did it for me, and if they did who knows how much different my life would have been or how much more I could have helped others.

So, my goal is to be the grandma who is remembered as the one who changed the future generations of my family. The one that wanted better for those that came after her and the one that no matter the struggle turned to God for everything. That is how I want to make a difference in the lives of my children.